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Some people equate
peace and harmony with absence of conflicts. Accordingly they shy away
from expressing their opinions, and shun arguments.
But conflicts are a part of nature. They characterize all relationships, human, and animal.
Conflicts allow us to
learn about others as well as things about ourselves that only others
can see. Also at times they can reveal personal and social issues,
which were hidden from us before. If handled properly they can foster
personal growth, and facilitate strengthening of relationships between
nations as well as between individuals. Thus conflicts play an
essential role in human relationships. Absence of conflicts is neither
possible nor desirable.
Strength of a relationship is indicated not by absence of conflicts, but by how they are dealt with.
In wholesome
relationships all sides are committed to a peaceful resolution of
conflicts. They avoid name calling, blaming, attribution of motives,
violence and threats of violence. Instead they listen to each other
patiently and with empathy. They take responsibility for their actions,
use explanation, persuasion and compromise to resolve their conflicts
and disagreements. They avoid rehashing historical details, and focus
on how things now are and how they can be improved for all concerned.
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Dr. Rohila is the Executive Director of the Association for Communal Harmony in Asia (www.asiapeace.org). He can be reached at
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