As well as being a Muslim, I also see myself as Western and Eastern in outlook, influence, thought and way of life where each identity operates in a triangular orbit vying for my spirit and soul. I’ve always found that concentrating on one meant suppressing the others, which always proved counter-productive. However, working as a journalist since 9/11 and being privy to the changing feelings and dynamics of Muslims in the West as well as witnessing the mayhem of Iraq and Afghanistan provided me my personal antidote. I was covering these themes via writing and broadcasting and saw myself as making a constructive contribution to society by seeking to understand and outline the ‘Muslim Sentiment’. The purpose being to bridge the communication gap which I identified as did so many others (Muslim and Non-Muslim) as a stepping stone to solving our common global dilemma.

Since 1988 I’ve had this pulsating ambition of re-uniting my Muslim Naani (maternal grandmother) with her Hindu siblings who live about ninety kilometres apart but have been separated for almost sixty years by the Line of Control that divides Kashmir between India and Pakistan. I had come to Pakistan solely with this intention and was keen to get back to the UK after about a month to resume my journalism career, which after a struggle for the first few years was rapidly gaining momentum. Two years and over four months later, I am still here and waiting.

 From my perspective, their repeated refusal in London, Islamabad and via the LOC bus service has been humiliating and has affected my mind, body and soul. What I’ve worked at so diligently in the UK as a journalist has turned on me. Hitherto, I had been a spectator and now I was an active participant hauled amongst the ever-increasing pack of human species who feel helpless, victimized and without an apparent methodology to seek redress.

This was more than enough motivation to relinquish whatever was in the pipeline in the UK and concentrate on working at the heart of the problem confronting me, namely the troublesome nature of India-Pakistan relations. However, this has been fraught with an almost insurmountable amount of difficulties.

The following are what I perceive to be ground realities hindering me and the ‘peace process’ that I so desperately want to see materialise. They are in no particular order and are by no means exhaustive.

        -People in this region progress or forge ahead on recommendation rather than merit.

       -Both India and Pakistan have a water-tight definition of statehood and the responsibilities of their citizens. This I feel stems creative thought in the region and thus when representatives of both countries sit down to talk, they are unable to even overcome the initial hurdles that their respective mind-set has developed and harnessed over the         years.

       -This affects their media too. For example, whenever peace is discussed on a panel, the discussions are invariably flat, disabled from confronting practical issues robustly and respectfully, thus being confined to making statements of desiring peace.

       -The intelligence agencies of both countries have been instrumental and extremely efficient in conducting the necessary checks and balances to curtail any stray thoughts amongst their respective populations. This is particularly so on either side of Kashmir.

        -Both countries have an antagonist view of the other, a lot of blood has been shed not just since 1947 but from the early days of the Congress and Muslim League. A familiar characteristic of their mutual mistrust is their consistent involvement in a dialectical pas de deux with each side propelling the other to ever-greater heights of presumption.

        -The people of Kashmir are a marginal entity and utterly hostage to this relationship.

        -Bureaucracy in the region is outmoded, bereft of motivation and a source of frustration for even the most basic of formalities encountered in day to day life by it’s people.

        -Both have expended so much on defence and sustaining state identity that the average person’s socio-economic vulnerabilities appear to them as mere minor irritants akin to a fly on a nose.

        -Perhaps, most poignantly for me is that travel between India, Pakistan or Kashmir is a reward for submission rather than a right.

 Taking all the above into account, in my view it becomes quite easy to understand the gaping gulf between the therapeutic sermons of politicians and ground reality.

 I would like to extend a few apt quotes from the Indian Prime Minister’s speech at Jammu University on the 15th of July. These are appropriate because it almost bizarrely seems as if I am doing the speech, not him. However, I’m suffering because in reality there is no existing framework to realise what is said below, at least not to my knowledge.

"There comes a time in the history of a people, when they are energised enough to make history."

"It is time to make a genuine effort to build peace and create the conditions for a historic reconciliation of hearts and minds in our region."

"Jammu and Kashmir can one day become a symbol of India-Pakistan cooperation rather than of conflict... Borders cannot be changed, but they can be made irrelevant... The LoC can become a line of peace with a freer flow of ideas, goods, services and people."

Aside and apart from my personal motivation, I believe my non-partisan, creative and sincere approach to both countries is result-orientated provided they give me the necessary recognition and room to operate. This is irrespective of how they’ve treated me. For example, in Pakistan I’ve been marginalised because my thoughts on Kashmir or India do not correspond with theirs and I’ve suffered immensely as a result.

The reader should be able to gauge my determination from understanding that I have lived the past twenty-seven months primarily resembling the average Pakistani (which is a standard of living much below what I’ve been previously accustomed to). This period has been the most angst-ridden, traumatic and depressive that I’ve experienced in my whole life. I’ve had to relinquish all that I had in monetary terms for survival, further that I’ve borrowed heavily to the point of exhausting all avenues. I’ve even been cajoled into subsidising the livelihood of various friends and relatives here.

Consequently, to raise awareness of both countries to my seriousness, I decided to embark on a cycle ride across the Indo-Pak region on the 7th of when the summer sun was at it's peak. The Pakistani portion of my ‘Ride for Movement and Peace’ along the GT Road from Torkhem to Kolkatta was completed within a budget of 21000 rupees. It received zero media attention save a press conference in Islamabad which I had to pay for! I rode most of the 600 or so kilometres on a bicycle with a buckled rear wheel after a ‘deliberate’ road accident near Nowshehra (NWFP). This also meant my laptop with it’s cracked monitor had to be attached to a normal monitor to work. My main mobile phone which had good audio, video and photo recording facilities was stolen on my very first night of travel, leaving me with one remaining mobile phone which would switch off whenever it’s mood dictated. I even had to under-nourish myself to remain within budget (I reached Wagah on August the 14th with about 120 rupees to spare). Furthermore, I could easily have paid with my life for the temerity of being faithful to this soil and desiring peace.

I am currently in Islamabad in pursuit of that all elusive Indian visa.

The answer is somewhere within the Indian Home Ministry, I am led to believe.

That has been the state of affairs since April 2005

(Diary excerpts of my ‘Ride for Movement & Peace’ can be accessed at www.sahaafi.blogspot.com)

[This article is published by permission of Mr. Tanveer Ahmed from his site http://maloomaat.net/ ] 

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